Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
