A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
