Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
