Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
