My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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