Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
love makes seman taste better
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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