Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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