On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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