U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
