So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
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i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
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I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
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