i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i think i have two assholes
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
