My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
