He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
