Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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