i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
