she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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