She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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