but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
