Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
