Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
