just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize