paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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