big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
