**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
