Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
