flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
