Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's rum buckets o'clock
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
