No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
