I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
