I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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