i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
