Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
