My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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