Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Holy shit dude........stairs
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