If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
