Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
