i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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