Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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