So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
