I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
