i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
