when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She needs sedatives and a leash
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
