no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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