She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
