Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
