Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
