First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
