Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
