she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
