plz talk dirty to me
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
