i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
