I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
is wine microwaveable?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
