i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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