stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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