She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
