party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
