We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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