i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I FOUND THE LEGS
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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