How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
