so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
