she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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