it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You're like the curious george of whores
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
