Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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