just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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