Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
