Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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