All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
