you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
