C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
