We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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