I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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