So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
