i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
