This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Randomize
