it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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