remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
