New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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