he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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