I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
