I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
