I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
