what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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