A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
