i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
