I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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