you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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