When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
