just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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