Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
